previous year present...

oh gosh, today finally found some time to go for an exercise... and still have sometime to go for a steam bath to relax myself... hehe...

every time whenever i m steam bath'ing... always trying to relax myself... thinking back what actually my life had been so far... what actually i always say.... ' i am so fan'... and so on...

then suddenly today think of .... my birthday is coming... hehehe... count down = 12 days... hehe... then suddenly think back... what actually previous year what actually my collegue gave me as my present... yup.... an bracelet... which actually cost RM150... but actually in Aeon Bukit Tinggi i saw the same bracelet...but only cost about RM70++... its actually so called the 'energy bracelet'.... if not mistaken la... hehe....

let u all have a look.. --->




but... unfortunately, it had actually broken... in the dunno 3rd month or 4th month i wore it..........
so sad.... then gave back my colleague... as she say her brother know how to fix it... but.... haha... unfortunately also... my colleague didn't even give me back...till now... haiz... 'mian qiang shi mei you xing fu de'... just let it be... this what i think... he always say difficult to find the suitable 'accessory' to fix it... hmm... dunno la... no heart means no heart... if got heart where will say can't find de... "MEI YOU SHEN ME SHI QIAN SHI BE KE NENG DE...ZHI SHI YOU MEI YOU XIN ER YI".... sometimes i think... hahaha... so bad if i think like this rite... but sometimes really hard to make me not to think like this...
time is really change everything... we can't really control it... and just let it be... right :)

As for this year... my very funny dear... which her birthday is just one day after mine... was asking me... what i want for my birthday... haha... and for sure.... i dunno yet... haha... and i also asking her what she want.... very funny....cos both of us really dunno what to buy for each other ... ya... i told her... i want a camera... haha... cos recently i really thinking of buying myself a camera... haha.....

and thanks for hazel for introducing me this Adobe Photoshop CS3 software... haha.... helps me to edit all my pimple... haha....

SAmple :









haha... blur effect... and without pimple... so happy... altough this is not true me la... hohoho...








and another thing... my dear... no matter what is my present... i will be appreciate it very much...even if u only give me a Happy birthday wishes .... cos i appreciate our frieendship and i believe our friendship will be long lasting... haha.... so 'ROU MA" rite.... yala....u definitely WON'T be able to listen these word from my mouth de... haha.... cos i dunno how to express my real feeling de ma... haha... i m sure u all know me well... but so sad my collegue no... hmm... forget it...

and finally, haha... i wrote my blog in english... oh gosh... so broken english rite... trust me.. will improve myself.... some time after... haha :)

内疚+ 自责+左右为难。。。

first... sure my fren wan to scold me again... cos after this... i m going to write this blog also in mandarin... cos i really dunno how to express my feeling by using english... too difficult liao... hehe... sori ah fren.... will try my best to write eng next time... dun feel bored lor.... look forward for me ENGLISH blog ya... hehe

这几天，爸的身体状况似乎不是很理想，一直听到他讲头晕。。。心里很担心到底是什么事。。。一定要逼他快点去body check up 了。。。
有时来到公司，难免会心情不好。。。是因为爸跟我说了一些既让我觉得左右为难，又真的不知道应该站在谁那边的事。。。有时让我心情很低落。。。
就好像今天早上，爸说前几天H 先生跟他讲话有点大声，可是K先生却认为H先生其实不应该跟他大声的。。。也说到工钱不该减他的。。。什么什么的。。。有时我知道。。。大家一起工作，难免会有意见不和的时候，可是无论是H先生，或K先生，无论是哪方面他们有意见不和的时候。。。我真的觉得很辛苦。。。我不知道应该帮谁，唯一能做的是。。。保持沉默。。。保持沉默，我知道是个逃避现实的方法，可是为了不让K先生觉得我好像被H 先生一家洗脑了，我唯有那么做。。。
其实这样的情况，是我一直在担心的。。。自从K先生加入了，我一直很怕这样的事情会发生。。。我也知道。。。它一天不发生，只是时机未到而已。。。最近，开始有这样的现象了。。。
再加上，昨天，跟达令谈到深夜，也有提到H先生的一些不是。。。说他比较信任A大哥，而让B大哥虽然是真的做了很多东西的。。。功劳却是在‘神推鬼末’之下给A大哥拿了。。。实情我是不懂。。。可是就是说A大哥是个很厉害拿功劳的人。。。而H先生却把多一份的信任放在他的身上的。。。听到这里，让我觉得。。。怎么总公司真的那么多政治问题啊。。。对H先生。。。突然觉得他跟我认识的H先生不一样了。。。 是真的吗？
可是这一切。。。改变了我的想法。。。
在同一天七点多。。。H先生打来了公司。。。说找不到K先生。。。还问我到底K先生生病的事。。。问他还好吗。。。之后再告诉我。。。如果他call不到K先生，要我转告他。。。他的工钱。。。恢复正常了。。。因为H先生做了request... 听了之后，我心顿时愣了一下。。。突然觉得有点内疚，自责。。。内疚是因为生气自己为什么听了别人的一面之词，而对H先生有了改观的想法。。。自责，也是因为生气自己。。。生气自己为什么耳朵那么软。。。达令，我是相信你的咯。。。不是说我不相信达令说的，我是相信她的，可是事实往往是要自己去挖掘的。。。明明我认识的H先生。。。是个明白事理。。。是个一等一的好人。。。自己却可以因为别人说了他一些不是。。。而有所改观。。。真得很内疚。。。真得很对不起，H先生。。。我那么样看你。。。对不起。。。
也许，人有时做东西，有时会做的不是每个人都称心如意。。。可是他也是人在江湖，身不由己的啊。。。这是难免的。。。
发生了这些事，有时我很害怕一个人tumpang他的车。。。就好像上次要去同事的婚礼。。。也要想了好久才打给H先生。。。因为就是不懂为什么。。。很害怕。。。脸皮太薄了吧。。。 现在加了一个A小姐，心里的恐惧更怕。。。 谁可以开导我呢？？？

距离越来越远。。。

oh shit... look what have i done with the previously blog... haha... stupid me... dunno how to make it nice as hazel and boon yi done... hmm.... nvm la.... a bit lazy to make it pretty now... :p
today is my colleague niece birthday... she had asked me to help her to buy some cakes for him... this reminded me about the cakes i bought for her previously on her birthday... 回想当初。。。 我们还是有什么，讲什么的。。。 可是，最近，就是不懂为什么，自己总觉得彼此的距离越来越远了。。。和她家人也是一样。。。总觉得。。。今日并非昔日了。。。每次想到这里。。。心里就会有种莫名的伤感。。。每次告诉自己。。。我们是什么关系都没有的了。。。只是同事。。。这样而已。。。可是自己就是有时不争气。。。每次听到他打给她弟时，就是有所想象。。。每次在路上看见同一款的车辆，也会有所回想。。。每次讲到要搭她弟的顺风车，也会想了很久。。。就是不明白自己在顾虑什么。。。有时真的好辛苦，为什么自己不是那种easy come, easy go 的人。。。一经过了那么久的事，现在遇回，也可以想了一大堆别人可能不会想到的东西。。。真的服了你。。。这种性格，很难改吧。。。
就好像今天，她的侄儿生日，本来在她回家时，要搭她跟他讲一句生日快乐。。。可是也就日有所思。。。很厉害吧？？？这种小事也要那么在意。。。我觉得我在业余不到第二个像我这样的人了。。。像我想得那么多的人。。。。

dram@ dr@ma and dr@ma...

yesterday... just finish watching the 'tang xin feng bao zhi jia hao yue yuan'... last two episod... nearly to the ending... saw the 'yu sou sam'... getting back with her ex- bf... and left ' guan ga zai' so kelian... nearly hate her because of her decision... but at last... 原来。。。 it is just a trick to her mom... so that she can get back all the shares from her devil mom can give back to ' jo bao' and ' ho ma'... haha... luckily she not really doing that... if not.... will spoil her image le... haha... kinda like her drama... altou she likes to cry.... like me lol... hehe... and really like to c her especially she was paired with 林峰。。。 really match le...

sick...

hmm... first time in the year i took MC already... haiz....can't get the RM100...but really no strength to work...dunno y...maybe slept too long dy... makes me a bit dizzy... some more sometimes the atmosphere in office sometimes rili makes me .... whenever i think of.... i got XXX to do... but need to stay in office.... sometimes will feel that i m like cheating on something... haiz... how le....??? hmm... maybe just.... 走一步，看一步。。。
regarding the MC/ RM100... for your information... our company got an reward on those who didn't take MC for consecutive 3 months/ 9 months/ 1 year.... got a certain amount of cash prize... haiz... but since today i took the MC already... nothing liao lo... =RM00 liao... but in other way to think... u 'keng' for 3 months only got the RM100... but i took one day MC= RM60++... took 2 days MC = RM120++... total 3 days MC = Rm180++ ... haha... seems like more worth rite.... hehe... calculation from darling in office... rili 'za dao' when she told me like this... but what she count is really truth lar... hehe... thanks darling... for reminding me on this...

thankiu my dear frenz...

this blog should had been posted yesterday..but since yesterday... i have been sick.... stomach ache... dunno what i had been eating inside... haha... make me sleep whole day already after i reach home about 3pm something....
just wanted t osay thanks to two of my dear frenz.... which one of the fren letting me overnite at her house... cos i dun hv any transport to go back home after my collegue wedding dinner... and which another fren fetch me back to klang the other day... altou i other meaning i am asking them to go klang to eat sushi and to meet up cos we long time didnt meet up... but we all also know the real reason ... haha... is to fetch me back.. hoho... so greatful to have them as my frenz... yaya... i m miss "bue pai seh"... hohoho... thankiu for both of them for didnt say ' No' to me... hehehe... thankiu may and boon yi... :)

1st day... 1st blog...

first to write a blog here... y have such intention to register another blog here??? altou i actually already have many other place to write down my every 心情。。。actually its becos i found here should be a save place for me to write ANY ...i mean ANY 心情 or things that i had faced... y save save le??? u think urself lar...

recently, actually there is too many things happen... too many expected, and unexpected things... dun even know who to tell... or even where to write it down... nobody to tell....becos i rili not much frenz... to be frankly... those frenz that can be tell... very far.... and need to explain from the beginning to now.... FYI, i m a quite lazy ppl to make explanation... then maybe is my own fault/ problem liao lo... but this kind of personality just hard to change...duno where to write... becos of my lazyness....altou i own a diary actually... lazy lazy lazy....

sometimes.... i feel that my heart rili can't 'afford' to carry on so many thinking... feel very 'heavy' and 辛苦。。。 sometimes rili feel like crying... thats y recently even watching the 家好月圆。。。 some part altou maybe other ppl didnt feel anything... i will be touching until cry... 难以置信吧？？？ 也许真得想痛痛快快得哭一场吧。。。

recently my 心情 is : 左右为难。。。烦。。。 又是左右为难。。。真的好辛苦。。。