火已灭。。。

今天的心情。。。仿佛像天气。。。

一大早自己苦恼。。。很苦恼。。。就连同时也讲我，怎么今天心情酱差。。。我没办法解释。。。也觉得很累。。。

苦恼着，自己没有被带领着，感觉自己像迷路的盲羊。。。也觉得，自己不是靠张脸吃饭的。。。不喜欢跟人打好关系。。。不喜欢假情假意讨好人。。。真得很不喜欢这种感觉。。。

很想有种立刻给信的感觉。。。有几次都忍不住流泪。。。尤其是当人家问起。。。

越来越发现，心中的那把火。。。真的不在了。。。

累~努力~

突然，觉得很累。。。

眼睛累。。。心灵累。。。又不懂为什么，那冲劲又突然没有了。。。

不是说玩笑的。。。头真的有点痛。。。

把考试提前了一个星期。。。也就是明天。。。

心理某处是觉得有点怕。。。可是又有某处觉得有点放心。。。忐忑不安的心，到底又怎么了。。。

无论如何，得去努力了。。。

祝好运明天跟着我~谢谢~がんばります~~~~~

かなしい...

Today can consider the last class of my B1 Japanese Class... next week will be the revision class for us before the exam on the following week... but today our lovely teacher,Ms. Tada just told us that she is going back to Japan permanently after the revision class... And another teacher is giving us the Exam on the following week...

the reason she is leaving is Because her contract here already ended... The news actually shock me n my friend... cos she was quite ok and cute when teaching us... I think all of us enjoyed the class much....... emmm, not really sure what kind of mood others are having when know this news... But myself, and I believe my friend as well, feel sad and 不舍得......

As for certain reason, we had changed our exam date to next week after the revision class... and felt a bit happy cos still can have Ms. Tada to be the one who giving us the exam... cos if others give the exam... it will like weird weird dei......

We going to miss u , Ms. Tada~~

Ganbarimasu on our exam... ^^

らいしゅう　の　どようび　は　さいご　の　じゅぎょう　です。

らいしゅう　も　にほんご　の　しけん　です。

そのご、　わたしたち　の　せんせ　は　－　ただ　さん　にほん　へ　かえります。

ちょっと　かなしい　です。　

ただ　せんせ　は　やさし　ひと　です、　そして　きれいな　ひと　です、そして　しんせつな　ひと　です、そして　おもしろい　ひと　です。

かなしい。。。

でも、しけん　は　がんばります。。。　レェ　チン　さん、　いっしょに　しけん　は　がんばりましょう。。。　＾＾

浪费了60秒

浪费了60秒？ 也许我不只浪费了60秒。。。

伪装自己。。。成为了我每天的躯壳。。。

那伤口，没人敢碰。。。

直到今天。。。被问了，有任何进展吗。。。本来很想逃避那问题的，可是还是理直气壮的答了：没有~~

然后被劝，自己要先主动去跟她有互动。。。直接回答道：‘为什么要是我呢？’。。。大家安静了。。。

心里似乎难以释怀。。。

不明白，为何不是自己的问题。。。为什么要自己去解开。。。

至少可以讲的一句。。。我真的不想有任何改变了。。。真的不想了。。。 请不要再逼我了。。。

最近做了个面子书的测验。。。题目是："你最受不了朋友做什麼事？"

心理測驗，結果是當朋友騙你的時候，最讓你覺得難過。.

你覺得大家既然有緣成為朋友，一定有某種程度的契合，任何事都應該可以用溝通的方式解決，但
是如果朋友出現不誠實的狀況，你就很難再信任他了。。。

本身是觉得很准，尤其是最后一句。。。

而她不知道。。。她伤得我很深。。。

就酱，我又浪费了180秒。。。

她是怎么了。。。

他就是这样。。。

习惯了给她鼓励。。。

从言语中给她的小小鼓励。。。

从之前的一句：‘好了，就当我想你吧。。。’

到昨天她自卑的那句：‘没人要就是没人要，没有为什么的。。。’‘谁说你没人要，我要啊。。。’。。。

让她打从心里觉得小小的开心。。。开心，是因为，他肯用这种方法让她心情开心。。。就算他是开着玩笑地说着，或是无心地说着。。。她也觉得开心。。。

可是。。。唯一心不安的是。。。他已经是有妇之夫了。。。还对女孩子说这种‘闹着玩’的话。。。站在那位女生的立场，会很伤心，很伤心。。。

理智的她，当时虽然是开心，可是还是有意无意的从言语中小训了他。。。别忘了自己是有妇之夫。。。当然，如果这句话是从个单身贵族的口中说出，她真的会很开心。。。可是他的身份。。。潜意识里想，如果他还是，那该有多好。。。

也许是她想得太多了。。。他只是把她当妹妹看待。。。很好心的鼓励她，逗她开心。。。可是，可能方法用错了。。。

可是在那之后。。。他没回复她了。。。竟然突然很后悔跟他说了那番话。。。自私的她，潜意识里，竟然期望他不要就酱不理她。。。即使只是把她当妹妹看待。。。:’(

她到底怎么了。。。一下很有立场，一下又变得没立场了。。。

大家说，世上有酱理智的她的哦。。。lol

Disappointment...

its been a long wait since previous long long holiday we have in the month of May, until now... tomolo is Hari Raya for Malays, which will be continues 3 days holiday for us.... yuuhooo.... ^^ so shiok... today can go back hometown... (although its quite near, and i can go back anytime... but still feel the happy feeling... lol)

Maybe the happy feeling is strong due to the difficulties faced in work... there will be a big big, emmm, kinda restructuring thing happens... which to combine sales operation and cody operation... become one big family... happy family instead... lol... but this seems not so right for us(current 'old bird' sales admin, :D) big changes on us, which although sounds like it will be a good experience for us to explore... but its quite tough too... arrrggghhh... the most difficult things which i hate'd since beginning( that time i wasn't really involve in, but saw my collegue handle it, i already feel the tough'ness)----- > Stock Count!!!! arrhhghghghg...... hmmm...... y am i be the ONE... i mean the TWO of the other ONE to do this kinda... counting things... my calculation is like shit... and now i am handle Stock Count... can u believe this... lol... haiz...

I think the only way is to adapt to it... or else... say bye bye... A) to adapt to it? B) to say bye bye.... of cos A i think... If choosing B it will like... run away from the problems... in mandarin... ' tao bi xian shi'... hmmm... kinda coward things to do huh... its just like the starting decision which i have to make in the beginning, whether to stay with current company or to take up the challenge in main office, as what i chose, the second alternative... I need to try... As what some of my friends told me, as least u gave a try, if still think that not suitable... then only change... ya... at last, this is the 'road' i chose... and I have to faced it... although until now, my mom is still grumbling on me, why i want to chose this way... I can't really explain all to her... but for what I know... I need to try...

Try Try Try... even on those things that my other friend thinks that I shouldn't have try to ask what actually happens between me n my another so called good friend... I also asked already... just that, there is no reply at all... even I tried my last try to request for the expenses I need to pay for, no reply even... <>

For what i know, I wouldn't try to ask her already, if not because I was advised by one of my colleague that, we shouldn't have this kind of unhealthy environment in the same office... ok...fine, c what response I get back... haiz... :( Actually already can guess the result... but still hope for some simply reply even... although already know there will be more big disappointment at last, and I sure can't accept it and will thinks a lot in the following day... but I still very 'fan jian de'... received the big disappointment...

Can't understand human being, why can have such 360 degree changes... no matter how close you are with him/her in the past, and no matter how good you to her in the past... but what I get at last... what can I say just... in this world, not say how much u scarifies to somebody or something or how good you to her/him in the past, you probably won't get back the same treat... super damn disappointed on these things already ... thinks i won't be able to put in 100% of good'ness into this kind of friendship already... kinda negative thinking huh... but really hard to change my perspective on these things already...

Most of my colleague advise me, just treat it as normal... i am very appreciate on their caring to me... but as for myself... i will try my best to not to think it... but its way too hard... really too hard... as in the same office... and the way of her ignorance to me is so obvious... I can't really ask myself to be 100% cold blood... sorry i just can't... and it still makes me feel very depressed sometimes when I saw she still can talk normal to others rather than to me... forgive me that I am not the god... can say 100% no feel than no feel... I think only I can understand my in depth feeling... and kinda hard for others to understand... If can, I would choose to leave... <>

にっき

きょわもくようびです。9がつ9にちです。

いなかわklangです、でも わたし　の かいしゃわ kl　です。　

わたしわ たいざい に kl。

わたしわ まいあさ 7じ　に おきました。 それから ともだち と lrt で かいしゃ へ いきました。

ときどき あさごはん を たべます。

わたしの しごとわ 9じ から 6じ まで おわります。

でも　ときどき ね ot　を しました。

さいきん わ きぶん　が わるい です。。。

しごとわ ため に。。。 ゆうじょうわ ため に。。。

ゆうじょうわ　すべての　に　りかい　して い　ない。。。

わたし　が　かんぜん　に　いき　しょうちん。。。

しつぼう　した。。。

わたしの　あたらし　の　きぼう　と レインボ どこですか。。。

かみさま、　わたし　に　みち　を みるです。。。

平衡点。。。

开始了自己在新地方的生活。。。比以前开心，自由了，可是房间还是很乱，需要时间来整理。。。

今天早上，听朋友提起她。。。说觉得她变得很安静了。。。不懂是不是因为家里问题变成那样。。。其实还没告诉我与她的事给这个朋友听。。。也许，时机不对。。。就没说了。。。因为总觉得刻意去说了，好像有点说着别人的坏话。。。除非自己是忍不住了，才会对某些朋友，与对的时机，才对他们诉了心中的苦。。。可是也谢谢他们，让我诉。。。才让我的心理平衡了点。。。

可是今天早上她讲的那番话，说她变得安静了，不懂是不是因为家里问题的时候。。。突然觉得那位朋友很细心。。。会关心到她是不是因为家里问题变成那样。。。而突然觉得我自己，以前的第一个想法，似乎不是想到她是不是因为这个原因而变成那样,而第一个想法是-自己是否做了什么得罪了她。。。突然觉得自己有些自私。。。也许我只是想到自己先，不会考虑到别人可能也有自己的私事烦这吧。。。酱子自私的心理，让今天的自己好像有点释怀不了。。。

其实觉得，她把自己封锁在自己的世界里，让我觉得我不敢亲近她。。。感觉上没人可以进入她的世界。。。《我好像想得太多了》