god, please teach me...

hmm... god, please do teach me how... feel so miserable to my job... sometimes to my family problem also...

job... at first had already think nicely... after new year, maybe big chance to leave the current company... but recently... heard that recession coming... omg... how??? have to stay over??? i scare i will go crazy... i really hate to be in front line sometimes... i m not those worker that created to work in front line job... i know this myself... and i understand... because i can't make 'fake smiling'... means whenever my emotion or "XING QING" is not good... i can't really make smiling face... then when those salesman submit sales... and 'ngam ngam' my 'xing qing' not good... the most i can do is just.....face without any expression... and shut my mouth... talk whatever necessary... thats all.... but....this seems like not enough to those salesman... which they will start complaining... that we didn't smile... no smiling face... black face to them... bla bla bla... but the problem is... I didn't... I didn't make black face to them... just that I keep my mouth SHUT.... and I just can't make my fake smiling face to them... thats all... is that consider making black face to them? If the answer is yes, definitely this front line job is not my job already... I admit this... with no objection... since the starting, I didn't say like this job very much... because I really dun like to face customer.... but my situation now difficult to change...

sometimes human being are really difficult to satisfy , whenever we say anything... will say us rude... whenever we didn't even say a word, they will also complain us... what happen actually....? what actually we had done....???

Now recession coming some more, how will my life be later??? I really scare I can't bare more with all this problems... I can't take anymore complains and anymore fake smiling face... I know that I can't fit to the sales admin 4'S - Smile, Speed, Simple and Standard.... I fully know that I can't fulfill the Smile... cos I really dunno how to smile...

as for family... seems like going worst... although I know that 'jia jia you ben nan nian de jing'... but I feel that my family 'jing' is the most difficult... somebody moving back... temporarily... but recently seems like plan to move back again... to the place that let us all feel that that is really not a place for human being to stay... cos full of termites... then??? she still sometimes wanted to go back... I myself dun understand... maybe this is the difference between got bf or no bf... this i really dunno.... but the problem is this action make old folks grumble... and 'nian nian nian'.... haiz... difficult... y can't she just think like how old folks thinks.... stand at their point of view to think??? never, i think she never...

and my old folks... recently not feeling well, keep saying headache... yet still want to continue his working and a to be promote 'gm'... haiz... I was really worry that he can't cope with all the stress, with the future position some more... I really dunno how to react to him, and say him, cos in fact, I feel that all of us is so useless to both my old folks... feel so guilty facing them sometimes...

I feel so miserable sometimes... can't really find a friend to talk with... if really want to find one... there will be a grandmother story to talk... but the problem is.... ... ...